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The Words you Use Shape Your World
by Natalie Bailin

Words are the powerhouse behind the person.  

You give life and energy to the words that you use in your daily routine. It’s worth repeating, YOU give LIFE and ENERGY to the words you use in your daily routine.  This is true of all words even the ones you use to talk about yourself everyday.  These words create an image for you and for others to see and remember.

Giving energy and life to these words will thus enable them to become concepts that, in turn, become your everyday behavior patterns. The concept, ultimately, becomes who you are everyday.  It is interesting the way the subconscious mind works. The more you learn about yourself the more you seem to not know.  It’s akin to learning the alphabet, you learned the letters, you learned how to put letters together and then you learned to read words. Did you have to learn more?  Yes, the definitions of these words and how to use them.  Did you have to learn more? Yes, how these linked letters, turned to words, could help you earn money. Yes, there is more but I’m sure you get the gist now.

These words then give life to your mindset, and then we become that person that your words dictate.  Even though we “see” a different “us” in our minds eye, we project a different image to others by our outward actions, words and body language.  Are your words more negative or more positive?  Is your projected image the one that you want out there?

This mental image of yourself is reflected in the words you use on a daily basis. This might not be the person that you think you are at all however; it is the person that you reflect to the world.

One day you wake up and things are just not right somehow, you’re simply not sure what it is that is not right. You shrug and go about your daily routine.  As you go about your day you realize that there is “someone” with behaviors that are uncomfortable. This “someone” is you.  You start to wonder where and when this happened. How did it happen?  Where were you when it happened?

 

It’s simply called living life and going about your daily routine. Being busy making ends meet and caring for loved ones. There is a plethora of reasons and scenarios that can be listed, each individual to your personal circumstances. The subtle influences in our lives happen. Some of these influences are from our childhood; they are what we learned as we were toddlers. What we saw as “normal” for our small world. The beginning of our “programming” into adulthood.

Why we suddenly feel that there is a need to examine this is because it is no longer comfortable to you. Something might have occurred that suddenly brought this to your attention. A show you saw, someone said that you always use negative words, whatever the reason you have decided to examine your word usage.

I have my own theories about change; I embrace it and welcome it because I like change. I will go out of my way to change things from time to time. I will find new ways to drive to work, I’ll shop at a different store and I’ll explore new things and ideas to see if they are better ways to do things.  In the process of living life, unbeknownst to you, we all allow things to influence us, it is human nature to soak up what’s around us and use what feels comfortable, familiar. We all do it, don’t get down on yourself we are all a product of our environment. It is our past experiences coming into play in our daily lives. It is how we process things as human beings.

 My hypothesis theory is  “Human+Enviournment+Free Will = ME”   

There are positives and negatives in our lives everyday, we have so much going on that we rarely pay attention to the small things that mean so very much, our words. Learning who you are and what words are used most often as well as what influence your actions have on your daily life and or thought patterns a complicated undertaking.  Where does one start?  It is not as complicated as you might think.  

As you become more aware of yourself and your words you will actually hear the words resounding in your head. You might even play them back and change those words. As time goes on you will hear others words and change those words in your head also.  It is part of the transition that you have embarked on to become the “you” that you like.

The words that now influence your actions in a negative way will begin to dissolve. Amazingly on their own, you’re no longer giving them nourishment or energy by using them everyday. Think of the new words as muscles, newly transplanted and in need of attention, which you are now going use to keep in shape. These words are the muscles of your behavior and ultimately your personality.  The one that you project to the world.

It’s true that if you say it, believe it, you make it so in your life. Think about it. If you say you’re crazy often enough you believe it you will start to subconsciously modify your daily behavior in tiny ways to bring it into your reality.  It’s the Law of Attraction, look it up.  When, in reality, you are not crazy at all. Your subconscious mind has taken over and invited that mind set into your life/behavior.  Our subconscious dictates the part of us that we have little or no control over or is the general consensus to the best of my understanding.  Science is still finding out just how powerful our subconscious mind is, they have just scratched the surface of that vast wilderness inside our heads.

Some of the more common words that we might be using are listed below. Sometimes we are using them without the realization that they are impacting our behavior.

 

Do you use the words or phrases like these:
Do you automatically say “NO”?

I must be crazy…

I’m nuts…

I’m insane…
Something must be wrong with me…

Why can’t I do what that person does?
I won’t be able to…

… Never happen

Life is too hard

I can’t do that

This is not the way things should be

Why do bad things happen to me all the time?

I’m sure that it will not turn out right ..

I’m positive that I can’t do that ..

Nothing ever works out right for me…

The list is endless and I’m sure you get the idea, let’s move on now. Some of these crept into our daily lives very innocently. These words might have been a concept that fit a single situation or event and somehow overstated its welcome.  It might have been something or someone you identified with and “adopted” a phrase.  It might have been that simple and the concept it just that simple here to turn the corner and start on a new road.

Words are injected into a sentence that change it’s meaning to reflect who we are to ourselves.  Concepts are images of who we think we might be, all the while, fighting against an image of who we really are.  We can be in conflict with ourselves, which causes our behavior to be erratic beyond our control.  Or is it?

The phrase, “I can’t or I won’t are two commonly used phrases in our daily vocabulary. Lets examine these words I won’t is a choice you make, I can’t is a decision you make, both of these you act on and ultimately these become modifications in your behavior, leading to how you behave in your daily life.

I can’t is telling yourself that you don’t believe you can do something. Did you ever try doing that certain something? Or was “I can’t” a knee jerk reaction?  “I won’t”, on the other hand, is a final decision.

Think about that for a moment and digest it. What are the things going on in your life in respect to decisions you might be thinking about now?  What are your choices at this time?  Make a list of things that you consider choices and another one of decision you made that impacted your choices.

What is the difference between a choice and a decision?  A choice is an option or selection that you consciously make.  When you are faced with a variety of things to do at the same time you make a choice as to which one is more important.  From all of your options you make a choice which then becomes a decision.

A decision is a conclusion or resolution that you come to when you take your choices and make a firm commitment to take action.  Sometimes it is a very easy decision, which brand of pop corn will you buy?  The one that you have a coupon for or the one you are used to buying?  Other times, the decision might not be so easy, say for instance, you are buying a car, not cheap these days. There are many choices to consider before making your final decision.

Discovering who you are and then who you want to be in the future is a much more involved choice that will lead to many new decisions.   As you discover things about yourself you will make choices as to what parts of you will stay and what parts will be modified.  It is not a goal to change you totally; it is a project to modify parts that you are not satisfied with at this time in your life.  You might choose to augment one of your parts and discard other parts. These are some of the crossroads you will be traveling on as you work on yourself.  Like working on the outer body, you would use different machines to tone different parts of the body. You will now use different words and a different point of view to modify the inner image of self.

For me, these decisions and choices were not easy at first. I was not willing to “see” me I was only willing to see who I “thought” I was.   Here is some of my history just to give you a very nutshell view.

As a child I must have been lead to make decisions about who I was then and who I was to become as an adult. I’m unclear as to how that works how the “programming” interweaves into our lives and begins to form “us”.  The “decisions” and the “choices” were because of what the authority figures in my life told me about me. They told me who I was at a very young age by the words that they used. The authority they held over me at the time. I trusted them; believed in them that they had the knowledge to show me the road that I should be on for my future. What other choices did I have as a child?  Children, in my opinion, are hostages to their environment.  There were many authority figures in our young life, teachers, counselors, parents, aunts and uncles and don’t discount your peers.  

They all told me who I was.  Yes, I became that individual, much to my dismay.  In my childhood free thinking was frowned upon.  My mind heard the words that I were being uttered, albeit, in good consciences from my elders.  They were not aware of my developing personality and did not factor that into what they said to me. I was told to not talk, just to listen.

The words I heard most often from the authority figures were negative.  I focused, for no reason that I’m aware of to this day, on the negative words. They were the words that impacted me the most. They allowed me to be lazy, stupid and naïve to the world.  I don’t want to get into the deeply rooted reasons for my past. I would like to focus more on how I changed rather than why I was who I was.

Just a short bit for insight, I was raised in the 1950s, the first child of three, the only daughter.  My parents were working middle class, the American dream was to own a luncheonette, which they worked for ten years.  I was raised with much negativity around me, instead of seeing the positive as a balance, I only remember the negative being pointed out over and over again.  This gave life to my point of view, ultimately becoming the foundation of my personality. I became a very negatively focused teenager and adult. Regardless of the good things that happened in my life, I focused on the negative side of things for a very long time.

Let’s get back to today as our adult selves now and find out what we need to do to change the negativism into a positive while maintaining a balance of both.  Words are the beginning of all things.  What words do you use most?  Are they more negative or positive words?  Paying attention to this is very important in this excursion into your behavior.  Words that are more negative sneak into our auto-response system without our awareness.

When you look back, (you hear it all the time “hindsight is 20/20 or the Monday morning quarterback) you “replay” the scene of an event. You did not like the outcome of that event one bit. What can you do to change it? Nothing, it is now history, accept that it went badly and move on. Take this past experience and learn for the next time you are in a similar situation by using the history you’ve lived through and replaying it in your mind until you have a plan for the next time. Listen carefully to the words you used, the reaction to those words. Can we manipulate our language?  Of course we can, we’ve always been doing it.  Listening to yourself is not a common task that we do easily.  It will take some hard work on your part.  Hearing what you are saying is sometimes not exactly comfortable either.  It is necessary in order to know what modifications you want to make.

Do you use all negative words?  As the list above was all negative, now we want to change the negative and create the positive.

Such as these words:

“Can’t” instead of “I’ll try or how can I make this possible?”

“Won’t” instead of “I can make every effort …”

“Couldn’t” instead of” I will work it out a different way”

“No!” Instead of “Maybe or yes” (Possibly a knee jerk “No” reaction)

“Impossible” instead of” Please explain further I don’t understand what you are saying.”

“Do not” instead of “what other method…”

“This will never work”, instead of “Lets look at this from another angle”

“Nothing ever goes right in my life”.  Instead of, “this one incident did not go well. “

Reducing things to a single event will put them in a better perspective. It does not really ruin your entire day unless you allow it to take over your entire day. Then, in all honesty, you’ve ruined your day by sulking and revisiting this one event all day. Do you also bring it into the following day?  Well stop it! Reflect back on the incident, how much of your day did it actually effect?  Was it a few hours out of 18 waking hours?  Was it less or more?  Was it all 18 because you did not release yourself from its grip? 

How do you let it go?  Easier said than done, I heard you think that!  It is not as difficult as you might imagine.  It is a learned process; you take the incident, pay strict attention to the actual event unfolding. Try to estimate just how much time it used of your day. Then how much time you were enraged and harped on it, be honest now.  Now, what could you have done to change any part of that?  To continue to be angry, enraged or upset is nonproductive.  Figure out what went wrong, being black and white about it. View it as a play unfolding in front of you, you are in the audience watching it rather than being one of the actors participating in the play.  You can sit there and “see” what they are doing and how to change it in all likelihood you are shaking your head as you watch it unfold in your mind.  You’re the director; direct your “players” in many different ways to change the outcome to your liking.  Okay, now take that part of you and start to apply it to your actual daily life.  Learn from your direction of this play. It is all about role playing as a basis for modification and change.

Remember that it is a rehearsal for the next time you are confronted with the same or similar scenario. “Listen to your words, the words you use and the reaction you have to them as well as the other person in the event. How did they react?  Now, change your words, make them more positive. Change the words for a different outcome, the outcome you wanted in the first place.  Rehearse these new words; write them down.

Our entire live is based on rehearsals for our future, we all know it but never think of it that way. Don’t allow yourself to get discouraged when things don’t work the first dozen or so times we try them.  Unless, of course, you are one of those very lucky person and walked your first time and never fell. Learning to fall is not the issue, it is learning to get up that makes us stronger each time we get up from the floor and dust ourselves off and do it again.  Do it until we have the right balance to “walk” through our daily lives and have balance of both negative and positive in our sights. You had to learn how your body was built and how much balance you needed on each foot before you could walk, right?  You did it for yourself because your body is different from anyone else’s. You found your way onto your feet. Now find your way into the world of positive outcomes. Using the same methods, trial and error that works for almost all the things you encounter in your life. Rehearse it over and over and prepare for the next confrontation and you will surprise yourself. 

Sometimes you can start with an affirmation each morning in the mirror. Smile at yourself and say “I’M OKAY TODAY” smile back at the mirror. Try this for a month. See how you feel after doing it for a while. I did it and it made a world of difference, I found myself smiling more often and getting a much better reaction from others.  

One day you will find that your work is paying off by transforming you into the person you wanted to be when we move out into the world. You will suddenly realize it and smile.   

Want to modify your behavior? Here's a method you can try